Paper Poppies

Dragging

Sarah — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 15:35:44 +0000

The sound of my e-mail notification coming from my cellphone sends me into a silent and blind rage. The cord of my blanket rubs against me, grating and raw. I’ve always had a particular aversion to winter but this year, winter’s got the problem with me. Too cold to build the chicken coop. Too rainy to spray paint the recycled trashcans. There’s no work that can seem to be finished through these short, cold days.

As if that wasn’t enough, existential crisis involving the failure of school (not giving me my final class to graduate) and the failure of my job (not allowing me to operate at normal capacity of a caring human) is really knocking me down. There’s been a little created. But it’s always a miracle when I can even make it out of bed without wanting to cry. I don’t forsee many more posts for a little while. Good luck surviving winter!

Food saver 1

Sarah — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 18:49:24 +0000

Sorry to brag, but I’m incredibly lucky. I am surrounded by encouraging and uplifting people, I come home every night to the most romantic and kind love, I wake up to a cold pup-pup nose nudging me to come play. And my family, though they live in a city that I loathe (Charlotte), they’ve taught me a lot about my wants, needs, and how to fight for them. This Christmas, I was at their house, filled with excess everything and craving my simplistic life. I missed waking up and having a challenge about what to make for dinner, the yearning of wanting something and saving up for it, and I especially missed the very little electricity that we use. While I was there, I felt a sense of disapproval for their new lifestyle. While I was being condescending, my family was coming around to my lifestyle. It was a nice role reversal and I benefited from it. My new presents that I’ve been playing with include: a weedeater with multiple attachments, a baking stone for my bread, and my ultimate favorite: my new foodsaver. Go ahead. Look. It’s beautiful…

I food saved all of our wontons from NYE. They’re currently in my freezer. Air tight. I can’t wait to foodsave some flavor into tofu and totally rock everyone’s world with some fake meaty treats. I am finding it hard to resist the urge to food save everything. Having such little space to freeze things helps. Sort of.

Kimchi

Sarah — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 17:29:52 +0000

The key to a good veggie burger is the planning and prep of a good kimchi. Yes, weeks in advance of this craving I gather all the ingredients from the garden and fridge. Laboring from soaking in brine to fermenting in mason jars, all to reach a salty perfection on top of my veggie burger. It’s worth the work and faint smell of rotting cabbage floating through your house. Seriously. And no one really likes that smell.

Cocoon

Sarah — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 17:30:46 +0000

This weather makes me want to stay inside, craft, and cocoon up in my comfort.

Nourishing

Sarah — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 18:13:26 +0000

I’ve eaten so many processed crap over the last few weeks- I find that with Christmas and New Years banged together, they always bring tons of booze, dips, and unnecessary stuffing. So the next few weeks I’ll get back to eating normally. I hope.

Please note that “normally” means tons of mushrooms, seaweed, greens and noodles.

I mean, it looks so good. Right?!

Tis the Season

Sarah — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 16:30:15 +0000

Thank gaaawd Christmas is over. Don’t get me wrong, spending time with family and friends is always welcome! And, every single Christmas, I still wake up early to motivate the entire family downstairs to watch me humiliate myself as rip open gifts with the excitement of a child. But, as an admitted non-Christian, this holiday only frustrates me. It perpetuates all of the consumerism that I spend so long trying to live in complete opposite of. Thank you Mom and Dad for the beautiful gifts that I needed and will use throughout the year. Now it’s time to unpack them, find a spot for everything in my small home, and use all of my repressed anger to knead on some bread. (I was given an amazing baking stone and pizza slider paddle thing so I really need to kick my baking up a notch.)

Oh, have I mentioned that I’m thrilled to be back home? I love this small house, filled with the things that I treasure and use. I love the city that I live in, my garden out back, and my pup-pup. I love the life that I have built for myself, the partner that continues to bolster those values, and the friends that fill the space.

There are a few traditions that I’ll miss till next year: the Christmas balls (pictured below), all the baking and time in the kitchen, time off to be with J. Well, till next year…

The photo above is a Christmas tradition that J and I have. There’s a particular neighborhood in Greensboro that has these brightly colored Christmas balls in their trees. Every year, we drive through. I have to remark at least 3 times about how it looks like a gumdrop forest. I love it.

Slight side note: because I’ve been living the last week in a home with a refrigerator so constantly full that they have ANOTHER full size one out in the garage to catch overflow and constantly home the growing beer collection, I’ve decided to not go grocery shopping today. Yes, I only have some wrinkled vegetables, homemade health syrups, and flour to work with but I think I can make some killer meals out of what I’ve got.

Keep Warm

Sarah — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 16:31:07 +0000

Welp, I guess it can’t be avoided any longer. Winter is here. There go my happy moods (annually, this is my down time where I stop to reconsider everything that I’ve worked for and whether it’s truly what I want), there go my short skirts (doesn’t really matter, I’m eating considerably more these days in attempts to overthrow my depression), and there goes my garden (not really, I have a great fall/winter garden going, I’m just being dramatic!).

This winter, I’m relying on cooking to keep me warm. So, I’ve been over our tiny stove almost every night, even when sick, to make new dishes and prepare food for the evening/ rest of the week. I’ve made chipotle grits, chipotle chili, and chipotle- well, let’s be honest, I’m putting chipotle peppers in EVERYTHING nowadays. I’ve also made numerous stews, soups, noodle dishes (don’t worry, I’m still fully in my asian kick!) and bread-things. The heat from the oven helps keep both me and the house warm.

Boba

Sarah — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 20:11:46 +0000

We now have a dog! In addition to all of the new stuff that Jason is bringing over (we’re livin’ in sin) I also get to play with our new pup! He’s 3ish, a rescue, hound/shepherd mix and is incredible. He’s got my spastic energy and Jason’s overwhelming anxiety all mashed into a painfully cute pup. Im so excited.

Slowly

Sarah — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 14:34:12 +0000

But surely.

Whatever

Sarah — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 14:29:11 +0000

ap·a·thy [ap-uh-thee]
noun, plural -thies.
1. absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement.
2. lack of interest in or concern for things that others find moving or exciting.

Yep, that’s the word of the month, kiddos. Apathy. Let’s delve further into what apathy isn’t: apathy is NOT laziness. I WANT to do things. I want to make art, write poetry, and make my house more of a home. I also want to exercise my body and mind- using the YMCA membership that I signed up for and powering through all of the beautiful library books that I’ve checked out. I have the best of ambitions. You know what else Apathy is not: it’s not depression. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this one. Maybe I’m jealous of where other people are in their lives and feel lacking because of this (unfair) comparison. Maybe I’m overwhelmed with work or finally realizing how messed up my family life truly is. Truth is: I’m incredibly happy. I love my little house and the idea of my love being here. I’m excited about getting a dog soon. I love my job and the rewards that I get from there. I really, really love my friends. And I am incredibly, head-over-heels in love with my inspiring, anxious, smokin’ hot boyfriend. So check depression off of the self-diagnosis list of possibilities.

Wake up, take a shower, make some coffee and do all of these things, right?! Really, the only thing standing in the way is this big bully named “Apathy”; I call him “Big A” for short. We’re on a nickname kinda level after a month of cohabitation. Big A likes to greet me in the morning with grey and gloom; in the afternoon with a nagging persistence to remind me that I’ve done nothing so far, and should probably keep it that way; and the evening he thoroughly enjoys sitting on the couch watching “Walking Dead” with me and my lovely. (“The new couch is really a winner”, he reminds me. “I know, it’s so effing comfortable”, I converse back. Yes, converse. We talk.)

And speaking of talking, I’ve talked about this strange affliction with those around me. Dear friends of mine are feeling the same way and all have different ways of explaining it: the cancerian moon is orbiting, the weather patterns are different than normal, we’re getting less sun as we slip into winter, I’m not eating the right combinations of food, I need to stop getting my shit jacked at my own house (this one I TOTALLY agree with!). Maybe it’s because I’m waiting to arrange my home with my love (he’s moving in within the month). Maybe it’s because I’ve been eating bok choy instead of spinach. Maybe it’s because I haven’t actually created art (in a non-functional, strictly therapeutic way) in months. Or maybe it’s because Big A is so damn comfortable and reliable that I don’t want to leave his sticky grasp on my emotions.

“This will change. Right?”- me “Ugh. Whatever.”- Big A